Not so proud moment in my life

Hi there! I really don’t know how to start this post……I am about to share, about one of the not so proud moments in my life. Usually, I will share something that I feel good about or positive as I want to have a positive vibe on my blog. I don’t want my readers to feel stress or unhappy when reading my post. I know your life already stressful so I don’t want to add another negative vibe in your life.But, that will make me hide the reality of life. Life is full of ups and downs. So, that why I decided to share about this so you know that, everyone is having ups and downs, not happy all the time. 
What happens? 

I AM HAVING A BAD DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. 

I read a lot about depression, anxiety and stress before and I always think this is normal. No stress, no life lah. That what I always thought before.This does not happen overnight but I realized this start to happen after I back to work from my maternity leave. My response to stress is really different. I don’t want like this but I really can’t handle my emotion very well. Whenever I feel stressed, my body will be shaking and my heart will be beating so fast. Then, I will have anxiety throughout the day.


When I know it’s getting dangerous?

A month goes by, my workload is getting heavier and the stress level is increasing. At the same time, I resigned from my current job because I wanted to change my job so I can learn new thing and add new skills for my career. Also, my son is started to eat solid food, I always feel stress whenever think what to feed him. I really feel so overwhelmed with my life. Many “heavy” things happen at the same time.

I thought I can handle it like I used to but I am different now. I can’t handle it very well, I had anxiety throughout the day, panicking over everything, I cried randomly at night, many sleepless nights and I can’t control my emotion too.I know it’s getting dangerous when I started cannot focus at work, I don’t have the mood to take care of my baby, I feel so stress whenever he doesn’t want to eat or sleep and cried so much and I don’t have the mood to take care of our house too… I may look normal but its turbulence inside my head and heart. 

What did I do?

When I see my son and my husband, I need to do something about this. I don’t want to be in this situation for so long especially when it’s related to my family. So, I decided to get professional help. To be really honest, I feel so ashamed to admit that I am not okay and I burst in tears like crazy when I share with the doctor my story. Deep inside me feel so down on myself. I can’t believe I will be like this in 2021. My life is totally different then what I plan to.I will share how you can get the mental health services in Malaysia on a different post.

Did I forget to pray or read my Bible?

After this happens, I realized my relationship with God is not in very good terms. I was so busy with my life, new baby, new job scope and new me. I caught up with my busyness and I forgot I need God in my life. So, I U-turn and fix my relationship with God by read His word every day and pray every day even when I don’t need anything.


When you having an issue with your mental health, don’t keep it to yourself. Find your trusted friends and family and talk to them. If that does not make you feel okay, please please seek professional help. Don’t do this on your own.


Just in case you wanted to do a mental health screening, you can try below,https://www.mypsychology.my/mental-health-screening/
Just in case you know someone that has a thought on suicide, please contact below:https://www.befrienders.org.my/

Thank you so much for visit and reading my post until the end.I hope it useful for you.

Love,

Aya

Published by keriitleto

Hi there! I’m Paya Roni (Aya). I’m Orang Ulu from Kg Data Kakus, Sarawak | Married to Maclare | Mum to Karl Sibal | I worked as Software QA Engineer & Lifestyle blogger/vlogger

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