Hi there! How are you? I hope you doing well.
I feel like myself today. I mean, the old self me. I feel calm and know that ” Everything will be okay” when I faced challenges. It’s been such a long time since I feel this way. Since I was diagnosed with MDD , I always feel so nervous and shaking when I face any challenges. I just can’t control it!
What is MDD?
MDD is Major depression disorder. I was diagnosed this early February 2021 by Physiatrics Doctor but I already had the symptoms after my maternity leave. Sometimes I think I had postpartum depression but after visited doctor, I was diagnosed MDD. This MDD happened when someone is going through life challenge that make them feel sad or depressed. This feelings are normally short-lived but when its become persistent and intense for extended periods of time, then that is MDD.
This MDD can affect many areas of your life. It impacts mood and behaviour as well as various physical functions such as appetite and sleep. As for me, I can’t sleep and I can’t focus at work, I always make a silly mistakes and my brain cannot function very well.
Some people with MDD never seek treatment. Most people with the disorder can learn to cope and function with treatment. For me, I can’t cope with this anymore so I went to seek medical advise. To treat MDD, medications and psychotherapy is effective methods and this method can help people with MDD manage their symptoms.
What are the symptoms of MDD?
- Experience a change in your previous functioning
- Symptoms occur for a period of 2 or more weeks
- Depressed and loss of interest or pleasure
- Feel sad most of the day, nearly every day
- Feel less interested in most activities you once enjoyed
- Suddenly lose or gain weight
- Trouble falling asleep or want to sleep more than usual
- Experience feelings of restlessness
- Feeling unusually tired and have a lack of energy
- Feel worthless or guilty, often about things that wouldn’t normally make you feel that way
- Have difficulty concentrating, thinking or making decisions
- You think about harming yourself or suicide
How is MDD treated?
This MDD treated with medication and psychotherapy. Some lifestyle adjustments can also help ease certain symptoms. For me, I got medication and psychotherapy and at the same time, I changed my lifestyle such as I resigned from my job ( one of sources of my stress) and spend 30 minutes every morning with God. I was advised by doctor to quit my job if I want to be well but I quit it before doctor advised me because I feel I can’t cope the stress anymore and I know I will never able to achieve the expectations. To make others people life easier, I let go my job. I know its too risky but I don’t want to risk my mental health.
So, what did I learned from this?
- Its okay not okay
I always heard about this but when its happened to me, I was feel not okay. But, its okay not okay.
- Have strong support system when enter motherhood
I was “lucky” as I entering my motherhood during the pandemic. I don’t blame the pandemic or whatever, I just can’t believe that motherhood is hard. I really need my family, especially my mum and my sisters. But, I guess I just had a bad timing. My mum just spend time with me for one month and all my sisters at Sarawak, just left my husband and Wiwie that helped a lot on our baby. My husband has been my strong support system but I need my family.
- Make time with God
I honestly didn’t spend or make time for God for a very long time especially after I get married. I was too busy with my life. Its make me miserable. After all this, I make time with God every morning, 6am. No matter how sleepy I am but I want to stay sane by get closer to God because only Him can heal me completely.
- Seek help don’t prolong it
When I know my MDD is getting worse, I seek help by go see psychiatric doctor. I always think if someone visit psychiatric doc maybe they near to be mad. But, its not! Don’t feel ashamed to seek help.
- You can go through this!!
No one can help you, just you! I will fight this and I will recovery fully soon. I will face the world with brave heart. I can do this!
Being diagnosed MDD is something that I’m not proud of. I actually feel ashamed to share it on my blog but I want to make new mum out there that maybe you will face this so don’t feel ashamed or keep quiet about it.
I hope this inspired you.
Always take care of your mental health and always make that priority.